my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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