I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
