i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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