she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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