hotel room ftw
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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