ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dear god my vagina.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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