and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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