I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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