I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
