Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
