Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
