You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
