so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Green mimosas i think yes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
