I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
