why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
