How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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