He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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