dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
