Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
