I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
