It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
