Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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