She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
