surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
