my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
