Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
