He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
