Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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