I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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