does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
