im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
