I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
