Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
