my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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