I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
