Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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