Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
