Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
