Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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