I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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