I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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