Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's great music for shaving your balls
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
