This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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