well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
