Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think my fart just growled at me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
