I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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