If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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