The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
