Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
