his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
