he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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