I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
