theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
