I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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