I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
